P365: Pics and Pages, and An Update

Aaah, it's that time again. Time to update the ole blog and share pics of the 2 cutest kids ever. Let's get started while one kid naps and the other plays on my bed, shall we?

The latest Emma-isms:
"I poop Mommy's pillow." ooooh no, NOT ok! She didn't; she just said she wanted to.
"I poop Mommy's bed." - same as above.
"My bandaid's yucky. I need new one."
"Hyrum needs a birthday. I need my birthday. Birthday party!" LOL, she's obsessed with birthdays right now. We have 8 family birthdays in July (today is Noah's), so we've been talking about them a lot lately.
"I eat boogers." Oh please no.
"That's my baby brother. I don't have sister. I need a baby sister." LOL, not yet!!
"I color the bug." We were playing with sidewalk chalk and she purposefully colored on an ant.
"My birthday's coming, too!"
"I play flute, too." I pulled out my flute for the first time in nearly 3 years - Emma LOVED it! She tried to play, too.
"Doggy's eating my cheek." LOL, we went to a baby shower and the dog there licked her face.
"Let's go look at kid movies." This kid is so smart. We walked over to the library to drop off a couple things and check if any of my holds were in. Right after we checked the holds, she said this and pointed towards the kid movie section.
"Take pictures Emma." LOL, apparently Emma is a fan of P365, too;)
"It's Noah's birthday!" I asked her this morning who's birthday it was, and this was her response. And it IS Noah's birthday. Hm, think she's going to have my memory for remembering birthdays?

Potty training is coming along. Emma has now pooped in the potty!! Only once, but hey, I'll take what I can get. She prefers to poop during naptime or when we're out, so at least it's in a diaper rather than undies. Poop in undies accidents are nasty to clean up. So if it's not in the potty, I'd much rather it be in a diaper than her undies! She now has 31 stickers for peeing in the potty. We're so proud!! Most of them have been this month, too:) Yay!

Dang, Hyrum's up from his nap. Time to NAK. Typing left-handed. Soooo slow...

Emma loves to sing. I can't remember if I've posted about that. She sings all the time. She knows tons of Primary songs, songs from movies, and other kid songs. She's great at remembering the words and she's mostly on key ish.

She also quotes movies. A lot. And when John and I quote from something she's seen, she tells us what it's from and that she likes that movie.

Oh, and check this out. I could write about it, but it's cooler to watch:



I sound like SUCH a dork on video!! But isn't that cool that she can do that all by herself? LOL, it all started when she asked to watch Elmo while I was feeding Hyrum. Trying to be a smart aleck, I told her she could watch it if she put it in herself...so...she did. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing yet.

Another current obsession: Tinkerbell. Emma LOVES her. She loves anything with Tinkerbell on/in it. We currently have Tinkerbell undies, sippy cup, and doll. We don't own the movies yet, but I'm sure we will. We've checked them out from the library, though. In fact, Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure is on right now.

So, Emma loves rocks. She's always finding them and wants to bring them home. Well, rather than have a pile of rocks on our front porch or, worse, in my carpet (we've had a find-the-rock-with-the-vacuum experience already...thankfully I caught it before it could break the vacuum), I decided it was time to start a rock collection. My sister and I had one growing up, too. I grabbed an empty (but cleaned out) Cool Whip container, decorated it with construction paper, and Emma and I drew on it. Now it has about 17 rocks in it.

Emma has discovered how awesome shadows are. She has a blast watching her shadow move with her. She loves it!

Whenever John has to go to work, or the kids and I go out to give John some quiet GMAT study time, Emma insists that everyone gets hugs and kisses. "Hug Emma. Kiss Emma. Hug Mommy. Kiss Mommy. Hug Hyrum. Kiss Hyrum. Hug Daddy. Kiss Daddy." It's sweet ♥

Emma broke the baby swing. I am SO not happy about it. She kept swinging on it, despite our many commands NOT to. I told her to get off just moments before she broke it. I couldn't exactly get up easily, since I was nursing Hyrum at the time, and John was in the bathroom. Why is it that kids break things when mom and dad are busy? She got a time out for it, since I kept telling her to get off and she wouldn't listen. Then, John and I salvaged the parts that we wanted (the toys and the seat cover) and had Emma help throw it away. Thankfully, it was a $5 yard sale find, but still. I'll have to get another one eventually. Not till baby #3 is in the works, though. We hadn't used it as much lately anyway. Ironically, I thought maybe it was time to put it in storage - just moments before Emma broke it.

Hyrum is doing so great! He's such a sweet little boy. He gets pretty grumpy when tired, but really, who doesn't?

He's teething right now, though. Yuck. I hate teething. He's mostly acting normal through it, except when he's tired...or when I try to look at his gums. Emma's working on her 2 year molars right now, too. Yay, double teething...I totally predicted this would happen, too. Oh well. We'll get through it.

Hyrum is getting better and better at sitting up by himself. He can do it for longer and longer periods of time without losing his balance. But when he *does* lose his balance and falls over, he gets SOOO mad! So, I usually sit right near him when he sits up, just in case.

My baby is mobile!!! Not crawling or scooting...he's a roller. He tries to crawl, but just ends up rolling instead. He'll roll from one end of the room to the other. He's not very fast yet, but I'm sure that's just a matter of time. Usually, he's in pursuit of some fun object. Toys, shoes, coloring books, the ties for our chair cushions, etc. And of course, whatever he grabs, he tries to eat. Paper and shoes are his favorites...

I'm not sure if I mentioned it yet, but Hyrum loves to play with his feet. He's been doing it for awhile. They usually end up in his mouth. Naturally. He likes to play with tags, too. Everything is just so fascinating to him. I love it.

He also thinks hair is fun to pull. He gets Emma's hair ALL the time. And mine, too. Hence why I usually have it in braids. I want to chop it off, though. More on that later.

So far, Hyrum loves all the solids he's tried. He's had rice cereal, carrots, bananas, squash, and pears so far. We'll see how he does with peas and green beans: those were Emma's Bane as a baby. She wouldn't touch them. Hyrum just devours everything. This boy just loves to eat!

Oh, I forgot to mention this last time. At Hyrum's 6 month check up, there was another baby named Hyrum - just a day younger!! What are the odds? It's not like we chose a top 100 name for him. Crazy!

I took Hyrum shopping with me after that check up, and oh my goodness was it difficult. He kept trying to eat my grocery list and cried when I wouldn't let him. He also ripped off his bandaids and tried to eat them...let's just say I made my shopping trip quick and didn't even go to the other store I needed to shop at.

Both kids' eczema is clearing up. We switched to the Walmart "compare to Aveeno" baby wash and lotion and it's making *such* a difference.

As for everything else, we're doing well. We started doing meal plans again. What works for us is to pick 7 meals, but not assign a specific day to each. We make whichever we feel like and/or have time/energy to make. And some days, we just eat leftovers from previous meals. So a 7-day meal plan typically extends to 10 days for us. But hey, it gets us eating better dinners. And I get to plan when to try out recipes from my recipe collection book.

Have I talked about that lately? Right before I had Hyrum, I decided to organize all the recipes I've collected over the years into a 3 ring binder. I digiscrapped the dividers and covers, and kind of paper scrapped the rest. More like taped recipes to cardstock, really. There's a picture in the P365 stuff; you'll see it as you scroll down.

I bought new sandals the other day because the old ones I wore all summer for the last 3 years are falling apart. They aren't very comfy to walk in. I'll still use them for camping type things, but for everyday wear, they just weren't cutting it. So I got new ones:)

My birthday is coming up pretty soon. Next month. About 3 weeks away. I'll be 29 - for the 1st time;) Man I'm getting old. Seriously, though, I don't really feel that old. Maybe because most of the other young moms I know are younger than me. Or because I'm young at heart? Or because I look much younger than I am. Anyway, I think I'm going to own up to my age. I'm not going to be one of those "I'm 29" forever women. My growth doesn't stop at 29, so why should my age? Next year, I'll be 30. Then 31, 32, etc.

I'm not sure what I'm going to *do* for my birthday yet. Nor do I know what to ask for, other than the Mommy Necklace I want. My parents are going to buy that for me:) Yay for parents.

I *do* want a haircut, but I don't really want it to be a birthday present. I want to get it done now. My hair is driving me nuts. It's long, frizzy, messy wavy, flat on top, and way too tempting for baby fingers to pull. There's really no point in having such long hair if all I do is put it in braids. And it's just nasty and annoying. So it's time to cut it. I'm thinking just longer than shoulder length with layers to my chin. Maybe side bangs? I don't know yet on that one. But I do know I want a change.

Have I mentioned that I'm the choir director at church now? Because I am. I think it's going pretty well. I'm not nearly as charismatic as our previous director (ironically, my brother-in-law), but I think it's going ok. We're singing on my birthday next month. Not entirely thrilled with that, but we sing every 3rd Sunday so there you go. We don't technically have an accompanist yet, so I'm picking easy songs until we do.

We've been getting lots of books and movies from the library. I have so many things checked out with different due dates it's hard to keep track! I'm also on a long hold list for other books. We just love the library!

As for John, he's been super busy working and studying for the GMAT, as well as helping with kids and household stuff. He takes the GMAT next week, so it's crunch time! I'm trying to give him as much quiet study time as I can. He'll go up to the library or hibernate in our room. Or sometimes I'll take the kids on a walk so he can study. Plus, the kids and I love going on walks anyway. Emma and I love finding sprinklers that spray the sidewalk and letting them get us wet.

Phew! What a long update! Lots to ramble about. And now for Project 365. I just loving doing this project, taking pictures every day. It's fun. My mom keeps telling me she wants me to keep doing it every year, and so does John. Don't worry; I plan to. It's fun, it keeps me taking pictures all the time, and it's a great way to document our lives. And Emma keeps telling me to "take pictures Emma," despite her unwillingness to actually sit still for pictures. So really, it's a project for the whole family. We all love it! And I'm thrilled to say I haven't missed a day. But now for the pages and pics:




Kit: Blossom, geniaBeana Scraps and Christy Skaggs

July 2

Picnic dinner at the park.

July 3

Baby's first 4th (a day early). We did all our celebrating party stuff on the 3rd since the 4th was a Sunday. We went to park for the parade and festivities, then watched the fireworks at the fairgrounds.

July 4

Emma eating a cheese stick in the grass. There's a little flag on her overalls behind her hands.

July 5

Hyrum eating rice cereal for the first time! Can you believe he's 6 months old?!

July 6

Emma eating a sandwich. Picnic at the campus gardens.

July 7

Happy boy!

July 8

Going on a walk!

July 9

Yum, pizza!

July 10

Trying to feed himself!

July 11

On another walk :)

July 12

We walked around the temple for FHE. It was very nice - but pretty windy, too!

July 13

Eating carrots for the first time!

July 14

Yummy Thai-style chicken stir fry.

July 15

Finally, a picture of my recipe project. I've been collecting recipes for years: from packages, magazines, online, etc. And now they're all neatly organized into a binder.

July 16

I was sick of pens just hanging out on my counter, so I made a little box out of cardstock for them.

July 17

Fingerpainting!! We made my sister a birthday card with the kids' handprints, then just played with the paint.

July 18

Mmm, alfredo, garlic bread, and salad for dinner.

July 19

Emma feeding Hyrum. What a good helper!

July 20

Smiley boy!

July 21

Drawing on her new rock collection. It's a cleaned up Cool Whip container.

July 22

Drinking out of her Tinkerbell sippy cup.

July 23

Playing outside with her friends. We babysat while their parents went to graduation. We had lots of fun blowing bubbles, kicking a ball, and playing with toys.

July 24

Playing at the park.

July 25

Hyrum all dressed up for church. I LOVE this vest (thanks Val)!

July 26

Look, I can sit all by myself!

July 27

Banana fangs! Emma was eating a banana when she put one of the strings in her mouth like this.

July 28

Green eggs and ham (with cheese), per Emma's request. LOL, this is the most successful attempt at getting her to eat scrambled eggs;) She actually ATE them!

July 29

Adorable little Hyrum ♥

Wow, it's taken me most of the day to get this done. I think I've spent enough time on it, so no template today. I'd have to get one ready. Next time, though! Now, to get scrappin' on everything from Father's Day onward...but later. Gotta take care of my family!

Kid Updates

Before we get started on kid updates etc, first I need to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented or talked to me about the previous post. Thank you! Really, it helped a ton. Honestly, just writing it out made me feel much much better, but knowing I'm not alone helped even more. It's all good now:) And it kind of surprised me that some of the moms that I *think* have it all together all the time are totally in the same boat as me.

One of the people I talked to (can't recall exactly who at the moment) quoted something profound to me (and, sadly, I can't remember exactly who said the quote, but I know it's from a church talk): "don't compare your private life to someone else's public life."

Isn't that just so true?! I love it.

I think I'm just going to post update type stuff this time. It's hot (I just turned on the AC), I'm lazy, and naptime is limited. So pics etc will come later, sometime in the next few days ish hopefully. Honestly, the main problem I have with that is selecting which pics to post for the 3rd. We did all our 4th of July stuff a day early since the 4th was a Sunday. And I don't know which pic to pick!! I have way too many awesome ones (if you're my Facebook friend, feel free to browse through them and make suggestions for the pic of the day:)).

So. Updates. Hm, where to start? How about some Emma-isms?

"Daddy wear purple one." LOL, so Emma got some necklaces in a kid's grab bag. There was a green one, a blue one, and a purple one. Emma wanted to wear the blue one and she insisted I wear the green one...and that John should wear the purple one!
"I jump my brother." Uhh, no. That was an instant time out!
"We don't throw things."
"I all messy."
"Clean it, Mommy. Clean it in the sink."
"I so pretty."
"I need pretty bows."
"I change baby's diaper."
"I poop in my potty, and I poop in my underwear, and I poop on the floor." Poop=pee here, apparently.
"I poop Mommy's potty."
"No I not in trouble. YOU in trouble!" Uh oh!! I should have put her in time out for that, but I was too busy laughing my head off!
"I go church tomorrow."
"Daddy wear dresses." ROFL
"I get dirty. I take a shower." We were going to go to the spray park, but a thunderstorm blew in just as we were getting ready to go. So, Emma and I played in the rain instead. Then we took a shower:)
"I need a wipe. Clean my feet." She currently has this obsession with cleaning her feet after wearing sandals outside. They do get pretty dirty, though.
"I farted, Mommy. I fart my diaper." Ah, the things I hear from the backseat on the way home from church.
"Oh there's a knock on the door." There wasn't; it was just neighbors walking around.
"I color. I need Family Home Evening."
"My teeths gross. Brush them."
"I'm making a house." Another current obsession: building houses with blocks.
"My brother's go bed soon."
"It's 'gusting. Yuck."
"Mouse poop in my car seat. We had wash it." A mouse got in our car back in April and pooped in the kids' car seats. Gross, I know. She still talks about it.
"I don't eat my hair."
"Chickens go baak baak, baak baak" - while eating chicken LOL.
"I need some med'cine for my teeths." Aaah yes, 2 year molars...oh how I loathe thee. The canines were by far the worst, though. Especially since all 4 came in at once! And like 2-3 weeks before Hyrum was born.
"My diaper hurts." ...she was wearing underwear...
"Good job cleaning, Mommy."
"I got the miccups." LOL, I love how she says hiccups.
"Hyrum told me."
"My test."
"I take GMAT, Mommy." Ok, so John told her to say it. It still cracks me up. John's preparing for the GMAT...yuck. I'm so glad I don't have to take it!
John: I'm Daddy, right? Emma: No, you're Mommy.
"I leave Daddy a message."
"I need fruit snacks." She says this a bunch, usually when we ask her what she wants for a meal. Or she'll say some other junk foody snack food.
"Noah's not very nice." ?? She randomly came up to me and said this. What?! Her cousin Noah is like her BFF, and we hadn't even seen him in like 3 weeks when she said this. Totally out of the blue. And then she said, "Emma's not very nice" and "Hyrum's not very nice."
"Bob the Tomato" while eating tomatoes LOL
"No, listen to Emma." !!!
Me: What did you learn at church today? Emma: I learn about Jesus. Me: What did Hyrum learn at church today? Emma: Hyrum learn about church.
Emma: I watch something. Me: Close your eyes and watch your imagination. Isn't that cool? Emma (closes her eyes): Yeah. *pause - opens eyes* Ok, I done.
"I need my library books."
"She peed on the floor. Daddy clean it." LOL! One of the potty training library books we checked out has a picture of the little girl's pee puddle on the floor.
"I need carrots, too." For lunch today, we had last night's leftovers. I put the pasta and bread on her plate just like last night, but apparently she needed carrots like last night, too!
"I put noodles on the carrots." Actually, she put the shredded carrots inside the penne noodles. So funny.

I know there's something super awesome she said in the last couple of days that I didn't get a chance to write down. And of course, I've since forgotten what it was! Sadness:(

I keep forgetting to post that Emma sings her ABC's (or rather, ABCDEFG's LOL). But when she does, K is more like CAKE. Yeah, she's definitely our child;) She also counts to 10. For the longest time, she would skip 4, but now she's getting better with it. Sometimes she skips it on purpose, though. She'll go "1...2...3...56789 TEEEEEN!!!!" She's been doing both those things for a couple of months or so; I wish I'd written down when she started to do them:(

As for potty training, it's going really well! Emma has peed in her potty 20 times!!! I know because that's how many stickers she has on her chart. She's really good about letting me know when she has to pee. Well, she says, "I have a poopy diaper" or "I poop on my potty" when she needs to go. We're trying to teach her to distinguish between poop and pee, but so far, it's a no go.

Poop, on the other hand...well, no luck with pooping in the potty yet. She keeps holding it in for DAYS, then poops while we're in a diaper-only situation (bedtime, naptime, and when we go out). Like yesterday. She pooped during church, and then again just as we were putting her to bed. And that was after about 4 days or more of holding it in.

She holds pee in, too. She'll hold it until she absolutely has to go. Thankfully, she usually gets to the potty in time. Or if she doesn't, it's when she has a diaper on. I'm trying to convince her that it feels better to get the pee out and that the more often she pees, the more stickers she gets. It's not working yet.

Surprisingly, Emma's still napping. Hyrum's eating, so...I'm typing one-handed. With my left non-dominant hand. It's sloooow to blog this way.

So...my sweet little girl is a screamer. She screams when she's happy, she screams when she's mad...she just screams. And it can get annoying. I don't mind the happy having fun screams so much...it's the no-I-want-to-have-my-way-and-you-won't-let-me screams that irritate me. We give her time outs for it, but it doesn't stop her from doing it again. My parents are reading this and thinking, "aaaah, karma. At last." Or maybe just laughing their heads off. Because I was notorious for my high pitched scream. And now, finally, karma is biting me in the butt for it. But hey, on the plus side, it made me a great high soprano;) Maybe Emma will be one too.

Emma is cutting her last set of molars!! Or at least, the bottom ones. No sign of the top ones yet, but the bottom half are almost completely through. We're almost done with teething!!! LOL, just in time to start it all over again with child #2.

Hyrum is 6 months old!!! And he's sitting on my lap as I type. He just finished his meal:) He's growing so fast. He's such a big boy. At his 6 month check up, he weighed 16 lbs 4 oz and was 26.5" long. Of course, like every baby, he hated the shots:( Aside from some eczema, the pediatrician said he's absolutely perfect. Both kids have it this year. We just switched them to the generic version of Aveeno baby wash and lotion so that should help, in addition to the constant application of generic Eucerin cream and hydrocortisone.

So. Hyrum. He's a cutie. And he's trying to eat my arm. He can sit up all by himself, albeit briefly. He's a roller. He'll roll a few feet to get to the desired item of the moment - usually a shoe or some other yucky-get-that-out-of-your-mouth object. Because, you know, EVERYTHING goes in the mouth. Everything.

He recently started blowing raspberries. It's so cute! He's a happy, smiley boy. He loves to look at the world around him. Everything fascinates him. I *love* to hear him laugh! It's so cute! He thinks Emma is the funniest person ever. He laughs way more for her than anyone else. I bet his first word will be Emma. He's imitating sounds now, too.

Hyrum started solids recently. He LOVES it. He gobbles food down like no tomorrow. He likes everything he's tried so far: rice cereal, carrots, and bananas. We'll start him on another veggie tomorrow. Maybe peas? Or green beans? Or sweet potatoes? I don't know yet. Emma hated the peas and green beans purees, but really, I can't blame her: they're VILE. Though not as vile as the pureed meats. Seriously gag-worthy.

He's a great sleeper...at night, anyway. He'll sleep through the night if a certain someone he shares a room with doesn't wake him up by screaming "I poopy diaper, I poopy diaper." During the day, however...he's a cat napper. He takes 3-4 short under-an-hour naps a day. Usually about half an hour. Sometimes they coincide with his sister's nap, and sometimes they don't. When they do, it's brief. And he prefers to be held for them, though sometimes I can sneak him into his crib after he nurses or rocks to sleep.

We haven't attempted cry it out with him, and I'm not sure if we're going to. At least not anytime soon. I'm ok with cry it out...really, what's holding me back is the whole sharing a room aspect. He goes to bed later then Emma (around 10 ish). So if we did cry it out, we'd probably wake her up. And I reeeeally don't want to deal with that. So...we haven't tried it. I either nurse him to sleep or one of us rocks him to sleep with a pacifier, then sneak him into the crib. It works great, so why jinx it. LOL, of course, by posting this, I'm probably jinxing myself.

As for John and I, we're doing ok. He takes the GMAT in a couple weeks, so we've been trying to make time for him to study. It's hard, though, because he's also working a lot this summer and is too tired to study after work. And money...well, let's just say not having money sucks. He just got paid on Friday and the whole paycheck and then some is already spoken for. Lame. Ah, someday...someday he won't be in school, he'll have a good accounting job, and we'll have a house...but we'll still want to be frugal. It'd just be nice not to have to stress over "will we have enough for rent this month?" etc.

Aaaanyway, now I'm just rambling and the laundry in the dryer is saying "fold me, fold me!" I'd better go fold it before it gets ridiculously behind (like it always does). I just got caught up from LAST week's laundry this morning. So, off I go! Hopefully I'll have pics, digiscrap pages, and a template up soon.

Insecurities

If you want to skip over this post, by all means, do so. There's not really anything interesting in it. It's just me rambling about things. No pictures, no digiscrap templates or pages, no kid updates - nothing fun and interesting like that. So unless you want to delve into my psyche with me, feel free to skip this post.

No, it's just me, trying to sort through my insecurities and self esteem issues. And I doubt anyone's really going to bother reading this anyway. I think only a tiny handful of people actually read things here anyway. Sure, I have some followers, but I think they're only here for the free templates. I don't think anyone (besides like, my parents and a couple others) actually *read* what I post. I doubt even my closest friends read it. I know my husband doesn't, but he's not much of a computer person - and everything I post are things he already knows about anyway.

So why am I bothering to write it out here? It's therapeutic. Writing always has been for me. I *did* get my degree in English, after all. And maybe this is partially a cry for help, I don't know. But mostly, I just need to get it out. It's been eating away at me for ages.

This isn't anything new and revolutionary. It isn't one of those "I just woke up to an amazing revelation" moments. No, this is something I've had problems with for YEARS. And I probably always *will* have issues with it.

If you've bothered to read this far (which I doubt), you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about. It's hard to explain. I'm struggling to put these feelings into words...but I'll try. I need to get this out. On "paper."

I am insecure. Not with my husband or my children, but with myself. With my parenting abilities, with my appearance, with my so-called talents, with my social skills. I feel like I'm the worst mom and housekeeper. My house is a sty more often than not and my poor kids have to put up with ME everyday. I know. Putting up with me is torture in and of itself. You know the old adage "when Mom's not happy nobody's happy?" Yeah, it's true. When I'm grouchy, everyone else is, too. And then I get MORE grouchy - especially when my 2 year old reprimands me with "no fussing, Mommy" or "Mommy needs a time out."

And I'm horribly selfish. I know parenthood is supposed to be selfless, but I...am a selfish brat. There's really no other way to say it. I really am a selfish brat. Especially with my poor husband. I try not to be, and I really don't *want* to be that way, but...I don't really know how *not* to be. I don't know how to change that.

I do think I'm a good mom, for the most part. There's definitely room for improvement, but then, isn't there always? The main thing is that my kids know they are loved, and they're clothed, fed, and happy. It seems like all the other moms out there have everything perfectly together with healthy homemade meals every night, immaculate homes, perfectly behaved children, flawless marriages, etc...and I don't. I honestly don't know how they do it. My house is a sty and we frequently eat lazy meals. And I probably spend too much time at the computer. I'm a horrible homemaker - which sucks because that is one of my 2 primary roles.

And my appearance. Oh, my appearance. I could write a novel on this one. But I won't, since it's not the main thing bothering me right now. Suffice it to say, I'm fat, ugly, and grotesque. I may technically weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant with my first baby, but you totally can't tell. I'm all stretched out into all kinds of grossness. I shed a ton of weight the first couple months after Hyrum was born (double what I gained), but the weight loss halted when I had my gallbladder removed. I've been pretty much stagnant ever since. I go walking...but I also eat too much junk. I'm a stress eater, which certainly doesn't help. And the stretchmarks. Oh, the stretchmarks. I still have an inner-city road map all across my abdomen - and my baby is 6 months old. I'm thinking Paris. Have you seen how crazy the roads (and drivers) are there? Especially around L'arc de Triomph. INSANE. As for the road map of stretchmarks, I don't think it'll ever go away.

But the main thing that's been bothering me lately are the social interaction insecurities. I feel like I'm so socially awkward these days. Granted, my daily social interaction typically consists of "Emma, do you need to go potty?" and "are you hungry, Hyrum?" Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to talk to adults other than my husband. And when I *do* get to talk to other adults, I'm so awkward and nerdy, which only makes me *more* nervous, and therefore, more awkward and nerdy. I feel like an outsider on my own conversations. It seems like I'm only invited into a conversation because others feel sorry for me. "Oh, poor Sara; she's a stay at home mom who doesn't have any friends." Yeah, pretty much.

Sure, I guess I kind of have friends. I mean, people are nice to me and I'm nice to them and all that. No one's ever blatantly rude to me or anything. Well, other than my relatives;) Everyone is polite and tries to include me when we go to church activities and whatnot. But no one really seeks out my friendship. Everyone else seems to be super close friends with each other and always doing fun things together...and I am never invited.

I'm sure it's mostly my own fault since I rarely invite others to do things with me. But that's mainly because I'm so preoccupied with keeping my family clothed, fed, and happy. I don't like to be in charge of social gatherings. I like to go to them, but I don't like hosting much.

All the same, I feel like people only think of me when they see me, and more of as an after thought. Or maybe when they see my Facebook status. Certainly not as a priority or anything. By "people" I mean people other than my immediate family. Obviously, my children and husband see me as a central figure in their lives. But do I really matter to anyone else? ...Probably not. At least, not very much.

What really stings is when I'm in a conversation with a group of people and they're all talking about something funny that happened when they were all hanging out together - when of course I wasn't invited to that gathering. And while the story may be hilarious, I sit there thinking, "ouch," like an outside witness to everyone else's lives.

And to add insult to injury, someone (no idea who, honestly) dropped me as a Facebook friend today. When I was already feeling like this. Thanks. I'm sure it's someone I don't really know, and therefore who doesn't really know me, but still. Ouch. "Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?" (Now envisioning cries of "Humperdink! Humperdink! Humperdiiiink! Humperdink Humperdink Humperdink." Ah, classic.)

I feel like people don't really like me. Like they're nice to me only because they "have" to be, because it's rude *not* to be. Not because they actually care about *me*. Maybe I feel this way because *I* don't truly like me. Maybe it's a result of a lifetime of insecurities and self esteem issues, a lifetime of seeking out validation from others and not receiving it, when I should be seeking it from my Heavenly Father. He loves me, regardless of whether others do or not. My husband and children love me, too - though I can't fathom *why*.

It's hard to remember that, though, when I try to interact with those I see as friends. And fail miserably because I totally sound like the biggest, most awkward nerd ever.

I probably need some sort of therapy. Not that I could afford it. I'm having a hard enough time trying to justify asking my husband for this necklace for my birthday next month. He's a sweetheart and I know he'll want to get it for me...I just can't justify the expense to myself right now. I have a hard time spending money on things just for *me* when we have to worry about rent, utilities, diapers, clothing for kids, etc.

I hesitated to write this because I don't want people to make me their charity pity case. I want people to like me for *me*, not because they feel sorry for me.

Now that I've awkwardly typed your poor eyes off (not that anyone's read this far anyway), I'd better go see to my family. I *should* do some cleaning today. We'll see if that happens. Writing this out has made me feel better. It didn't magically solve the problem, nor did I expect it to, but it made me feel better. And that's at least a step in the right direction.

Template 63, Kid Updates, and P365

Happy early Independence Day to all my fellow Americans! And happy belated Canada Day to all the Canadians out there. My baby will be 6 months old on the 4th. Crazy!! LOL, there will always be a party on his half birthday;)

I always seem to have 2 weeks' worth of photos to post. But this time, I also have a bunch of new pages, too:)

I *should* be folding laundry now, but meh, blogging's more fun. I swept, mopped, and vacuumed, so I've already met a decent cleaning quota for the day;)

So, an update.

We're working on potty training. Scary, huh? It's weird to think I have a child old enough for potty training. But obviously I do. We were hesitant to let Emma NOT wear a diaper, but we finally took the plunge and bought her Big Girl Undies. Tinkerbell undies, to be exact. Emma's choice. She also recently picked Tinkerbell vitamins. And watched the movie about 50 times when we borrowed it from the library. Think we'll have to buy it for her birthday?

*ahem* Anyway, potty training. It's been interesting, to say the least. We've had a few accidents; about 4 pee and 1 poop. But this morning, Emma said "I have poopy diaper" really quickly like she was in a hurry, so I helped her pull her pants and undies down and she sat down on her potty and peed. YAY! FYI, "I have poopy diaper" translates to many things in Emma Speech. There's the literal translation, of course, but it also means "I have to pee," "I have to poop," "I peed in my diaper," and "you're trying to make me do something I don't want to do so I'm going to say I have a poopy diaper to get out of it."

Honestly, so far, the most frustrating thing isn't that she's had accidents, or even the clean up of said accidents (though I'd be lying if I said I enjoy cleaning poop out of undies). No, the most frustrating part is her tendency to run off after sitting on the potty with a bare bum. Chasing down a bare bummed in-progress potty trainee is NOT fun! She peed on the floor before I could get to her the first time...I DID have her help me clean it up and I talked to her about running off with a bare bum. We started giving her time outs for it, too. She's smart enough to learn that's not ok. I won't punish for accidents since she's learning, but running off without anything on her bum is a time out worthy offense now that we've talked to her about it several times.

She's definitely catching on, though. Yay! Let's hope it continues to go well. She LOVES wearing underwear. She keeps talking about it and asking to wear it. And she gets SO excited when she pees on her potty. She always exclaims, "I did it!!" and "I pee my potty!!" And she loves picking out a sticker and putting it on her chart. Awesome. I really hope she doesn't get sick of it or feel too pressured (we're trying not to pressure but still get her to go. Tough balance to reach). Now that I wrote about it, I may be jinxing myself (isn't that how it always is?).

Anyway, that's just one facet of our lives - albeit a large one at present. It's been really hot lately, so we've gone out to the spray park several times. We're also going on lots of walks and hanging out. We're just having SO much fun this summer. And, as always, Emma's said some hilarious things lately. Recent Emma-isms:

"I almost got it."
"I want eat my spoon."
"I obey my daddy, I obey my mommy, I obey my Hyrum."
"This way to my room."
"I take care my baby brother."
"I don't eat food."
Mommy: what do you want for lunch? Emma: ice cream
"Let me hold Hyrum."
"Jesus helps Emma, and Hyrum, and Mommy, and Daddy, and my froggy, too!"
"Hi chubby boy!"
"Don't sleep on the table."
"I love my brother."
"I love you, Daddy. Very much."
"I go Jesus' house."
"I go visit Jesus."
"I need allergies." Uh, she HAS allergies. She meant she needed allergy medicine.
"Heavenly Father loves you."
"Oh baby's crying on the phone." LOL, so she has a baby monitor toy that makes baby sounds. She pushed the button that made the crying sound and then said this.
"I didn't mean to."
"I have question for you."
"Mommy make my heart smile."
"Daddy's borrowing my spoon." John used one of the kid spoons when all the others were dirty.
"No I need my way!" Uh oh...this was in response to me telling her that throwing a fit isn't how to get her way...yeeeah...
"I done my potty. Go get a diaper." This was *before* we bought her Tinkerbell underwear.
"Hyrum don't have any teeth."
"You just kidding."
"I need a baby sister." !!! Eeep! NO! Not yet. SOOO not ready to go through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and the sleepless newborn stage again. I just HAD a baby! Every now and then, Emma says Hyrum is her baby sister and I tell her that he's her baby *brother* and that she doesn't *have* a baby sister. Not yet. Someday, but not yet. And this was her reply the last time we had that conversation.
"Swings broken the park." Yes they are...grrr. Or were last time we went, anyway. I hope they put new ones up soon.
"I wear Tinkbell underwear!"
"No I need my underwear." I asked if she needed a diaper and this was her reply. Sweet.
"Mommy I pee my underwear." She's VERY quick to tell me when she pees in her undies:) She's quick with diapers, too, but with undies I think she's faster because it's definitely more noticeable!
"Nice try, buddy!" LOL, she said this to Hyrum when he tried to grab something he's not really supposed to play with.
"I pee on the floor."
"Mommy phone's dying."
"Hmmm, let's see." LOL, totally imitation here. I asked her what movie she wanted to watch when she said she wanted to watch something.
"I pee in my potty!!!" ^____^
"I hiding table, Hyrum."
"4 more more more minutes, then I come back." LOL, this goes with the above statement. She hid under the table and then said this.

I don't think I've posted about how Emma says her brother's name. Instead of an "r" in the middle, she says "m." So, Hyrum is "Hymum" in Emma Speech. It's really cute the way she says it.

My poor kids have both had some eczema-ish skin issues lately. And mosquito bites. And Hyrum's face still has that drool-induced rash. It's getting better and I hope it goes away soon. And Emma's eyes are puffy from allergies and sleep issues. I think the sleep issues are because of the allergies (and frustration with wet diapers in her sleep). Fun stuff.

Hyrum is such a cute little boy! He's very sweet and cuddly. But...he wants to be held All. The. Time. And he's not usually content with merely being held; he has to be *standing* held. I can usually sneak him into his crib when he falls asleep, but otherwise, his little face crumples and he starts wailing when I set him down. So...that, + a 2 year old, means my house is usually a sty. The only time I can really get much done is early in the morning before he wakes up. And that's if he sleeps in long enough. Today, I got sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming done before he woke up. Oh, and I unloaded the dishwasher, too.

Anyway. This is Hyrum's update section, not a housework (or lack thereof) update. Emma was the same as a baby about not letting me get much cleaning done. Aaanyway. He's a wonderful little boy. He loves to put everything in his mouth. Everything. He's constantly grabbing at Stuff and his mouth is the first place it goes. He loves to grab his feet and shove them in his mouth. So cute. He rolls onto his tummy ALL the time, then gets mad that he's there, and starts to cry. I think he's trying to crawl, too, and that could be part of why he gets upset about being on his tummy. He rolls onto his tummy in his sleep all the time now. Hyrum sleeps through the night about 75% of the time, and when he does wake up at night, it's only once. I don't really mind much when he does, though. He nurses back to sleep right away. Ironically, Emma's been waking up at night more lately, and he usually sleeps through it (mainly because we rush in to make sure she doesn't wake him up - ah the joys of a 2 bedroom apartment).

Hyrum moves toys from one hand to the other. He also gets distracted while eating, especially when Emma is nearby. He thinks she is the funniest person ever! She makes him laugh better than anyone else.

Hyrum's hair has gotten lighter. It looks like we've got another blondie! Since John has such dark hair and eyes, I totally expected our kids to be that way, too. But so far, our kids have my hair color instead. Emma's eyes are green like mine, too. Hyrum's are still blue; it's too early to tell if they'll stay that way. Emma's were blue for a really long time before they turned green. I just looked through Emma's baby book (LOL, to check up on milestones in case I missed something Hyrum can do) and I can totally tell that my kids are related. They DO look alike! I didn't really realize it before. Emma looks more like me I think, and Hyrum looks more like John, but they both have traits from both John and I. I can definitely tell they're siblings when I look at Emma's baby pictures. Which is funny to me because Emma was SOO much smaller as a baby. Hyrum weighed at 4 months what Emma did at 9. Either way, they're still the 2 cutest kids in the world:D

Speaking of, I'm sure you want to see pictures of them, huh? Of course you do;) I scrapped more P365 pages. I'm *almost* caught up with them!! Check it out:

April 9-15

Kit: A Quiet Moment, geniaBeana Scraps

April 16-22

Kit: A Quiet Moment, geniaBeana Scraps

April 23-29

Kit: In Spring, geniaBeana Scraps

April 30 - May 6

Kit: In Spring, geniaBeana Scraps

I skipped May 7-20 scrapping-wise for now; our internet was down while I worked on these and I hadn't downloaded the kit I want to use. I have it now; these will be the next pages I scrap.

May 21-27

Kit: Just Peachy, geniaBeana Scraps

May 28 - June 3

Kit: Just Peachy, geniaBeana Scraps

June 4-11

Kit: Doodlebug (and add-on), Kimi's Kreations
+ a few pieces from Kimi's Country Caramel kit

June 12-17

Kit: Doodlebug (and add-on), Kimi's Kreations
+ a few pieces from Kimi's Country Caramel kit

I only have 4 pages to go and I'll be all caught up!!

I also revamped some of the earlier pages. Their basic design is kind of boring, but meh, I didn't want to deal with changing that part. Here are the newly revamped pages:

January 1-7

Kit: Hazy Shade of Winter, geniaBeana Scraps
(I made this page better match the one that goes with it)

January 15-21

Kit: Simple Pleasures, geniaBeana Scraps

January 22-28

Kit: Simple Pleasures, geniaBeana Scraps

Oh, and I made this for my dad for Father's Day, using geniaBeana's awesome He's the Man kit:


And a new desktop with geniaBeana's Just Peachy:


As you can see, I've been busy scrapping since my last post:)

And for the P365 pics themselves:

June 19

Lovin' the spray park!

June 20

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy ever!

June 21

I swear he was trying to crawl. So cute!

June 22

Baby Hyrum foot:)

June 23

Emma's froggy. He goes EVERYwhere with us. She made this tower while grocery shopping

June 24

I love this ♥

June 25

Eating free pizza at the park.

June 26

Jessica and Noah eating Jessica's birthday cake. Yum!

June 27

Smiley Hyrum!

June 28

We walked over to the nature park to feed the ducks (and the mosquitoes...) for FHE.

June 29

John and Emma running through one of the "sprinklers" at the spray park. Our friend/neighbor works in the sno cone stand behind them:)

June 30

Hyrum laughing at Emma and just being so darn cute!

July 1

First time wearing big girl undies! I finally made the plunge at let her try it. She picked them out the day before. She wanted to put them on her head, but um, no. We had a couple accidents, but that's how it goes.

I also have a template, based off my May 21-27 LO. Template 63 is a 12x12" PSD file.



You can download it here.

Aaand I'm off to the farmer's market for fun with family and friends! Enjoy your weekend!